do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
