I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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