Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
