Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
