her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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