I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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