The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
