it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
