The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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