bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have fence marks all over my body
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
