idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
