Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
