What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
