Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
