I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
