He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
