went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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