I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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