Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
