my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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