Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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