sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
