doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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