maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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