Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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