Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
