the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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