Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you never un-have a 4some
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
