he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
