Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
