my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
