she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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