So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
