i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
