so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
