I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
