it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Panties = found
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
