I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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