oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?