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• (916): View more from California

  I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (360): View more from Washington

  It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

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• (351): View more from Massachusetts

  I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  How long until you're healed?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  It's not a walk of shame if you run

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