You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.