Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.