I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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