She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...