Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
