I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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