I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
