I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
