4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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