i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
