There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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