Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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