If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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