It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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