Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My breasts were aching with rage.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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