I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
