I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's like heaven, but drunker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize