i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
