I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
