I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
