So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
