you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
