my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she peed on how many people?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
