I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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