There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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