Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
