Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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