Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
