Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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