I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
