I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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