Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found puke in my bra..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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