his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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