Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
